Well it's official! I'm moving to Colorado! It's been just over a year since I moved to Texas-a move I will never regret and always be SO THANKFUL to God that I was able to do. These are some of the things I've loved about my time in Texas:
-Getting to spend time hanging out with and reconnecting with my sister. I am convinced more than ever how blessed I am to have her and SO grateful for her friendship. I've loved getting to see her as a mommy and wife-she is amazing at both. I have loved the times that her and I have gotten to go out for dinner, done crafts together, sat in church together, gone shopping, seen a movie, did errands together, gone swimming or to the park with the kids, roadtripped to Galveston x2, roadtripped to San Antonio, spending my 30th birthday with her and the AMAZING book that she put together from friends and family, game nights, watched TV together, played Wi/Nintendo together or just enjoyed each other's company at her house. I loved getting to help grade papers and to babysit the kids so her and Matt could spend time together.
-Getting to see my SWEET niece Briley from pre-birth (is that a word?) to her 1st birthday which is TODAY (Happy Birthday sweet girl!). I've been so blessed to see her develop from a precious tiny baby to an adorable and hilarious little toddler who is walking/running all over the place, gives AMAZING running hugs and kisses, blows kisses, waves goodbye, loves reading books, loves climbing slides, loves Sonic ice, loves pretty much any food that someone else is eating, has the brightest and most beautiful blue eyes, has beautiful light brown curls, has the cutest little belly, and whose eyes light up when she sees her Aunt Carrie. I have especially loved our Thursday afternoons with Briley and Noah. I've loved Briley falling asleep in my arms. I love her reaching her little arms up because she wants me to hold her. What a blessing and incredible gift it has been to get to be here to see her grow this last year. I know she won't remember any of this, but I forever will and honestly leaving her is going to be one of the hardest parts of moving. BUT, I'm going to choose to remember the amazing times that the Lord has given me with her and to celebrate the relationship that he's given us. I hope that as she grows, she will always know how much I love her and that we'll have a close relationship as she gets older.
-Getting to see my awesome nephew Noah grow from a toddler to a "I can do that, you know why? Cause I'm 5." It really has been amazing to see how he has grown in this last year. I've always been crazy about him but more than ever, love his personality and who he is becoming. We have had so much fun together this year. Going to his first Rockets game, Chucky Cheese, Sonic runs after MDO, Thursday afternoons with me and Briley, TONS of craft projects, lots of game playing, trips to the park, swimming, playing Wi & Nintendo, watching lots of movies, playing at the beach, sleepovers, walks, the Children's Museum, seeing Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory play, "Heart" hunt, Scavenger hunts, Post-It Note Love, making cookies, hiding Easter eggs x2, two birthday parties, Easter Egg coloring, celebrating my 30th birthday with him, playing tennis, and all of the hilarious/smart things that he would say. It has also been so neat to hear Noah talk about God. I pray that he will keep asking the good questions and that he will choose to live for God. I hope that he will always know how much I love him and that as he grows we will still be close and have a special bond.
-Getting to know my brother in law Matt in a new way. He is such an amazing husband, father, friend, and youth pastor. I have always thought this, but I more than ever am so thankful for God bringing him into my sister's life. It has been so good to get to hang out with him more. He really feels like family more than ever. I've also loved helping support him in youth group by being involved with the teen group. He does an amazing job with those teens. Loved getting to go on the RTA trip to Colorado with him. I loved getting to play games as a family and to play tennis a few times with him.
Ok I'm getting a little long-winded so going to just list some other things generally now that I've loved about Texas:
-My life group and all the friendships I made through this
-My flexible job that allowed me to spend a lot of time with my family and work from home
-The warm winter nights
-HFC: great church-great pastor-great worship-wonderful people
-Women's Bible Study
-Craft Nights
-Getting to see Courtney several times both here and in Dallas
-My cozy apartment
-Volunteering with the youth group
-RTA and all the kids and friendships with DK & Doug
-Mentoring some girls from the youth group
-Living close to water
-Delicious BBQ & Mexican food
-Mary McGuiness' friendship
-Family/Friend game nights
-Matt & Mel's dog Peyton-she's such a great dog
I am so sure that I forgot something. I could go on and on though about what a blessing this year has been-especially when it comes to living close to my family. I am SO sad to leave them but will always cherish this time that we've had together.
So real quick-the move. I'm moving to Colorado to work as the Guest Relations Director at Golden Bell. Now, I have had a special place in my heart since, oh, literally when I was about 9 or 10 years old. I went there as a camper, for family camp, and then worked there for four summers during high school/college. My times there were undoubtedly some of the strongest contributers to me really experiencing God and knowing that He is real. My summers during college really did this for me especially. I also gained so much confidence in myself and who I am during my time there. So I've always dreamed of and thought about wanting to go back and work there someday but had not pursued that ever. A few months ago, they approached me about this position and almost immediately I knew that the Lord wanted me to be open to it. Through praying and advice from trusted friends and family, it's become pretty abundantly clear that this is what God has for me and my life right now.
So, here I go again! On a new adventure. Excited, sad, anxious, and at peace all at once. Most of all, I'm anticipating that God is going to work through this next season of my life in incredible ways. My prayer is that I will be a light for Him and will be able to clearly show His love to the guests that I get to interact with. I want to be willing and ready to give an answer for the hope that I have and want to be able to create opportunities for people to experience God through Golden Bell.
And FINALLY, a few favorite pics from the year-I had WAY too many to choose from!
WAIT. A terrible four-letter word. A word that means we don't get what we want RIGHT NOW or maybe EVER. It's so hard to wait: wait to get your driver's license only to realize you have the wrong papers, wait to hear about that job, wait till next week to see if Jack Bauer saves the world from terroists AGAIN, wait while the oven heats up, wait while the one Wal Mart cashier rings up the 10 people in front of you, wait for the test results, wait for your nails to dry. . .it's just plain hard to wait.
Aside from just the challenge of waiting for things, here's the other problem. When we are waiting on something to happen in the future, we miss out on the here and now. We forget to look around and enjoy the blessings that God has ALREADY given us. I love this song because it's a gentle reminder about how I want to wait on the Lord: serving, worshipping and with hope and trust.
"While I'm Waiting" by John Waller
I'm waiting I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting I will serve You
While I'm waiting I will worship
While I'm waiting I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord
So in the last 10 years or so, there has been more open conversation about the struggle that many men have with pornography. It's been interesting to be in on some of the conversation and to try to understand where men are coming from that struggle with this and to hear stories about how those addictions started. It breaks my heart to hear these stories and to wish that I could somehow help.
Now, I'm not a man, and I don't struggle with the desire/need to look at pornographic images nor do I have images burned on my mind from images that I've seen. And I know that although the majority of those who struggle with pornography addictions are men, there are some women who struggle with this as well. And I don't know if this is an accurate statement for what actually happens in men's minds, but I know that a lot of women are afraid that when men see these images of "perfect" woman, that they will expect ALL women to look like that and will be disappointed when we don't and will have unrealistic expectations for relationships.
Well, I've also heard just a LITTLE about the idea that although a majority of women don't struggle with pornography in the typical sense of the word, we have our own mess that sets up unrealistic expectations for relationships. And the more I consider this idea, I’m coming to believe more and more that it’s true.
Women, a good majority in my opinion, set up unrealistic expectations for relationships due to our culture. Songs, movies, television, books, magazines, and other media have taught us to believe in “fairytale romances.” Even as a young girl, we are read books about how the prince comes to save the princess from the castle. We hear about “love at first sight.” We sigh as the moment they kiss for the first time, THEY KNOW that THIS is the person they will spend the rest of their life with. Our Knight in Shining Armor will be tall, dark, handsome, romantic, sensitive, funny, blue eyes, athletic, strong, smart, patient, kind, PERFECT. Many many many of us, have made lists of the characteristics we want in our Prince Charming. We want to be “swept off our feet.” We want to be romanced, brought flowers, written poems, serenaded, and pursued. In the movies that we watch and books that we read, although there is always some struggle in the relationship, everything ends up perfect and “happily ever after.”
Well, what if our Knight in Shining Armor is kind of quiet or a little awkward at first? What if he wants to be romantic but has no idea where to start? What if our Prince Charming is someone we’ve known for a long time or even been friends with, and no one we would’ve ever considered before? What if our Dream Boat (yes I just used that) is a little on the shorter side and doesn’t play guitar? Whelp, then he just must not be who God has for me, right? Well maybe. But maybe not.
I completely believe that God intended for relationships to have romance and for relationships to have excitement and butterflies when you think about that person. He’s a good God, and I think he wants us to enjoy those things. BUT, we woman have gotten a little crazy about what we expect and what we think we deserve. We CONSTANTLY are surrounded by our culture that is creating unrealistic expectations thus causing us to not be open to what a creative and loving God may have for us.
We need to start forming our expectations for relationships based on the Creator of Romance. We should seek love that is “patient, kind, does not envy, does not boast, is not proud, does not dishonor others, is not self-seeking, is not easily angered, keeps no record of wrongs, does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth, always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres, and never fails.” We should love extravagantly and not only seek the Corinthian 13 kind of love, but desire to live that kind of love in our own lives. I think when we truly start doing this, we will have realistic expectations of the love that God has intended for us to experience.
I'm 30 years old! I can't believe it! The amazing thing is that instead of dreading it, I have been able to embrace it. It is only by God's grace that I have this perspective. As I was anticipating turning 30, I realized that it was pointless to think about all of the things I'd not yet accomplished and expected to have experienced or accomplished by the time I was 30. By doing this, I think it would cause me to believe the lie that God has withheld good gifts from me, and that maybe, in the end, He doesn't really want me to be happy. This lie has gone on for FAR TOO long-starting all the way back with Eve when the serpant made Eve doubt whether God was withholding something good from her and Adam.
I had an INCREDIBLE time celebrating my birthday this year. I had dinner with Matt, Mel, Noah & Briley at Red Robin, games and cake at my sister's house, and a day-trip to Galveston with Melanie. Really each thing was perfect and I felt so loved and celebrated. The day-trip with my sister really could not have gone any better. It really was a simple day, but I believe that it really was blessed by God. We had such a fun time together even though what we did was nothing fancy or out of the ordinary. We went to a Mardi Gras parade (which was SO fun and we got over 100 bead necklaces), ate at a yummy Mexican restaurant, went and looked at some gorgeous old houses, went to Sonic, played on the beach and attempted to take some "jumping" pictures, and went to my sister's favorite place, Rita's Italian Ice, that we found on accident. We laughed so much and really just enjoyed time together.
My family and friends were also so generous with gifts this year. My favorite, hands down, was a book that my sister made that includes letters from my family and most of my best friends. It was really one of the nicest things anyone has ever made for me. Reading through those letters is so encouraging, refreshing, and is exactly what I needed when I turned 30. Those letters remind me of the blessings of friendships that the Lord has given me. I will never understand why the Lord has allowed me to have such dear friends, but I am so grateful for them. I want to continue to be a good friend and a friend that when I've left my time with someone, the other feels refreshed and encouraged. I want ANYBODY, whether or not I'm a close friend with them, to walk away from time with me and feel loved. I believe that is what God calls us to do.
God has blessed me in so many ways and really, I believe that He has a special plan for this new season of my life. I don't know what that is yet, but I know that it's going to be good. And I know it'll probably be hard at times and not what I expected for my life maybe. But I believe completely that whatever God calls me to do, He will give me exactly what I need.
So today I had a bad day, which made me think of a kid's book called, "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day", well that was my day. Did anything major happen to cause this? No, not really. It was a combination of things all built up: some loneliness, stress, not loving my job at the moment but not seeing any possibility for something different, etc. etc. and I sunk into a place where I KNEW that I didn't have the right attitude about things. I knew that I was being a little dramatic, but I just was unhappy and was having a hard time shaking my attitude. I've had several days like this lately which is really not norm for me so I'm learning what to do when I feel like this.
Now don't get me wrong, there have been a few things that have happened lately that have been frustrating or disappointing, etc, and I'm not saying that it's not ok to feel those emotions, but it's what I do with those emotions that I think ultimately matters. I can hold them inside and let them build up, feel sorry for myself, and miss out on the blessings that I do have or opportunities that the Lord may have for me to speak love to someone. OR I can recognize these feelings for what they are, give them to the Lord and allow Him to change my perspective so that I can recognize the blessings in my life. I completely believe that when we ask the Lord to do this, He will.
So, I've been keeping a "blessings" journal everyday since Christmas because my sister gave it to me for that reason. At the end of each day, I write down everything that comes to mind that I'm thankful for-sometimes it is something that happened during the day and sometimes it's just for random things like having shelter, having a loving family, or the ability to see. This journal is helping me keep things in perspective. EVERY day, even when things don't go "my way" or how I expected them to go, I still am SO BLESSED and deeply loved. I have so much to be greatful for and want to live a life with a thankful heart.
