A Taste of Why I Love My Momma

You know, I've always loved my Mom. But the older I get the more and more I love my Mom. And the more and more I see her as not only my Mom but as my friend. She is my role model of how I want to be as a woman. If I can be half of the woman that she is, I will be a great woman. Today is my Mom's birthday so this post is for her. Happy Birthday Mom!

Now this is unusual. My Mom doesn't normally get shout outs. She doesn't normally get thanked in public or recognized for the things that she does. This is one of the many reasons why my Mom is awesome.

My Mom truely has a servant's heart and is very humble. She doesn't do the things that she does to get attention. She does the things that she does because they need to be done, she feels like God has asked her to do them, or because it's something that God has given her a talent in.

I sincerely can not think of a single time that I've seen my Mom put herself before someone else. Not a single time. She lives her life in such a way that she is constantly putting other's needs first above her own.

I don't know this for a fact, but I'm pretty positive that growing up, my Mom would sacrifice buying something new for herself, sometimes things that she needed, for things that her children wanted. She didn't buy us extravagant things, but I believe that she sacrificed things that she could have easily bought for herself.

My Mom stayed at home while I was growing up. I can't remember a single assembly, concert, or game that my Mom did not make it to.

I remember my Mom going out of her way to help me study for Bible Quizzing and to help me study when I was struggling in a class.

My Mom is such a hospitable person and we were always having people over for dinner. She is a wonderful cook. My family ate almost every evening meal together at the table-with a full and delicious meal. No frozen dinners for this family! My Mom made us breakfast (no not bowls of cold cereal) every morning that I can remember growing up. Now of course, I didn't recognize how amazing this was when I was 8, but looking back, WOW, WHAT MOM DOES THAT? I'm sure it'd be SO tempting to sleep in a little longer and just have the kids fend for themselves.

My Mom always made prayer a priority growing up. I remember specifically at Christmas time, Mom would bring in all the Christmas cards and letters that we got from friends and family and we'd pray for each family. What a cool Mom. And you can pretty much every morning find her praying and reading her Bible. What an awesome example she has set for our family.

My Mom has for as long as I can remember been in charge of the kid's Christmas musical at church. WHO wants to take on that responsibility?!?!? A lot of snotty nosed kids who don't bother to memorize their lines till the last minute and having to come up with costumes, and movements, and scenery. . .oh man, what an amazing woman she is for volunteering to do this each and every year. And every year, the program is a blessing for those who get to watch. And I know many a parent who would not normally set foot in the church, come to see their child and hear the message of God's love because of my Mom.

And my Mom is an extremely talented pianist. She learned to play by ear. She definitely reads music but can also hear a song and figure out the chords. I LOVE listening to her play. It's so beautiful and she is so gifted in this. She can even play the accordian! How cool is that!? As a family, we used to go Christmas caroling to older people in our church and she'd play while we sang!

Something I realized in just the past few years, my Mom regularly reaches out to family members-Aunts, Uncles, cousins-whoever needs someone to talk to or a someone to know that someone cares. She regularly calls and sends cards to some of my Aunts who I know for a fact are so greatful for that friendship that she extends.

My Mom has always been such a support to my Dad as well. He's been in the ministry for close to 40 years and she's been right there along with him-visiting people, playing the piano, typing notes, typing bulletins, running children's programs, planning music, leading plays/musicals, pulling weeds, taking kids to camp, planning garage sales-you name it, she's done it.

My Mom has taught me a lot about trusting God and has led an amazing example of this in every area of her life. My Mom and Dad lost their first baby due to SIDS and I can not begin to imagine how they made it through this. I can't wait for my Mom to be reunited with Kimberly in heaven one day.

I sincerely believe that countless people have felt God's love because of my Mom. I'm sure that many have not thought to tell her this, but I know that this is true. There is a really old song that makes me think about what heaven will be like for my Mom. It's an old Ray Boltz song called "Thank You For Giving to the Lord." These lyrics really make me think of her:

One by one they came
Far as the eye could see
Each life somehow touched
By your generosity.
Little things that you had done
Sacrifices made.
Unnoticed on the earth
In heaven now proclaimed.

And I know up in heaven
You're not supposed to cry.
But I am almost sure
There were tears in your eyes.
As Jesus took your hand
And you stood before the Lord.
He said, "My child look around you.
Great is your reward."

"Thank you" seems insufficient for what you have done for me and what you continue to do for me. I love you so much Mom. Hope you have a wonderful day and feel as loved as you are!

A Taste of Solitary

Solitary is a sad word to me-MOST of the time. Solitary is an adjective that means existing, living, or going without others; alone without companions Someone living a solitary life TYPICALLY, from my experience does not CHOOSE to live a solitary life. They are living this life due to circumstances that are often not within their control. Now I do think that a certain amount of solitude is good and even healthy. And a good game of old school Solitaire never hurt anybody! When we are by ourselves, we can learn to truely love ourselves and to enjoy silence and a slower pace. Often times when we are alone, we may be more likely to hear God's voice or prompting or to feel his prescence in our life. Depending on our personality, some people rejuvenate and are refreshed from times of solitude. For this reason, I think solitude can be a good thing.

But overall and in most circumstances, I believe that we were created to live in community. We were created to crave time and attention and love from others and to be refreshed by fellowship. A strong community can get through anything together. When we have been in the company of people who truely love us, we should walk away refreshed and encouraged as should the others who are part of that community.

I have to admit that each time I have moved to a new place I've thought, "I don't really need to make deep friendships here. I already have wonderful friends. I can get by and be happy enough by just keeping and maintaining those friendships and having some acquaintances in my new place." And for a while, that works. But then comes the realization that even though I still have those great friendships from the other places that I have lived-our friendship is now different and not what it used to be. It by no means is less important, but it's different. We can't pop on over to each other's house for a movie night or meet for dinner. To talk and catch up, it may be weeks or even months until we talk next. And that may be after playing phone tag for a while.

Sometimes when I've moved to the new places, I think I've been a bit hesitant to really invest deeply in new friendships because each time I've moved, I've had no sure idea how long I'd be in each new place. I'm tired of leaving people and in a way don't want to set myself up to be sad again if I feel like God has other plans for me. But really, this is no way to live. This sets myself up for a solitary life-one without true community. Now this move is a little different because I moved to be close to family. I absolutely adore and love spending time with them. I think since I've had this, I haven't been as quick to seek out other friendships. But I think that I'm supposed to, so here I go. I'm trying to be open to the friendships that God may have for me here-both friendships that will be mutually benefitting and those that may be a little more one-sided. I want to live and make the most of where I am right now. I don't want to miss out on something God may have for me. So here's to finding true community!

A Taste of Feeling Wanted

I think there is an epidemic going around. It's called "Idon'tfeelwanteditis". It springs up in the likely and unlikely places. I'm not going to lie. I sometimes feel it. It's crazy because I am surrounded by loving family and friends and yet I still feel it sometimes. It's that nagging thought of "do I really matter" and "am I really important to someone?" What is crazy is that I have a very stable family and amazing friends and yet I feel this. Now I'm not saying I have a perfect life, but I have so much to be grateful for. It is no wonder that other people who do not have a supported family or good friends feel unwanted or unloved at times.

Now I know there are MANY MANY MANY people who feel this way, and I'll barely scratch the surface with the groups I mention.

I see this quite a bit in the work that I do. I have so many of my kids who live with relatives other than their biological parents due to drug use, divorce, imprisonment. These kids are left wondering, "Am I really wanted where I am? Does someone really care about me? Am I worth spending time with? Am I valuable? Did I do something wrong?" Even in the best of circumstances (great grandparents, friends, adoptive/foster parents or relatives who stepped up), these kids often still feel unwanted. It breaks my heart. Each time I meet one of these kids, I want to spend the time myself directly investing in their lives so that I can help show them how important and valuable they are.

And then there are people who are homeless or who are living in poverty. Now I fully admit that sometimes I let prejudices get the best of me. I am sometimes tempted to look the other way because I don't want to be asked for something or to feel uncomfortable or guilty for what I have myself. But aren't these people, regardless of their situation or the reason behind where they are now, my brothers and sisters in Christ? They were created and are loved by God just like I am. God does not love me or look more favorably on me because I have a job, wear nice clothes, or have food on my table. Why would I not look on these people with the same love as I do a good friend? Don't they deserve the same respect and love as anyone else? How can I show them that they are valued and wanted?

And finally I'll speak to something I'm very familiar with. So I'm 29, almost 30. I'm not married, not dating, and have no expectations of this happening anytime soon. A good majority of my friends are married and on their first or second child. I know I'm not the only one in this boat. I also recognize that a lot of my friends got married pretty young. But when you are in this situation, surrounded by friends who are married, it's very easy to feel unwanted-unloved at times. Now it's not that I don't feel loved by friends and family, but I feel like I'm missing out because I'm not loved by a husband. I know that I should feel completely loved because God loves me, but sometimes I just don't. Is that bad to say? I'm just being real honest. Now a lot of the time, I'm totally ok with this. I try to be patient. I ask God to guard my heart and to help me to trust Him. But its just so hard sometimes. Just like the kids I mentioned above, it's easy to think that I've done something wrong. And I look around at some of my other single friends and think SURELY I'm not the only one who feels this way, right? I want to trust God's timing and goodness, but it's just hard sometimes.

So what do I do with all of this? Well I probably have more questions than I do answers. I don't really know how to make myself not feel unwanted at times. That's going to have to be God speaking to me or through other people I think. But I do know how I can contribute to helping others feel wanted and feeling God's love. I can work at my job with my full heart and do my very best in everything that I do. When I am doing my part in my job, hopefully more and more children will truely feel loved and cared about and will start to see their self-worth. With a homeless person or really anyone who I'm tempted to judge and treat with less love, I will ask God to give me the grace to look past any prejudices and to love them like they deserve to be loved-even if that means just giving a genuine smile or eye contact. And with other singles, well I'm not really sure. I need God to help me know how I can encourage others and be a good friend to them. I don't want to sugarcoat and just say what they want to hear, "someday your Prince will come when you least expect it," haha how many times have I heard that? But I do want to be a person who encourages and helps them feel valued and loved.

I do believe that it breaks God's heart when we don't feel the value and love that He feels for us. God help me to truely feel loved and valued because of your love and to be an instrument to help others feel the same.