A Taste of Great-Unrealistic-Expectations

So in the last 10 years or so, there has been more open conversation about the struggle that many men have with pornography. It's been interesting to be in on some of the conversation and to try to understand where men are coming from that struggle with this and to hear stories about how those addictions started. It breaks my heart to hear these stories and to wish that I could somehow help.

Now, I'm not a man, and I don't struggle with the desire/need to look at pornographic images nor do I have images burned on my mind from images that I've seen. And I know that although the majority of those who struggle with pornography addictions are men, there are some women who struggle with this as well. And I don't know if this is an accurate statement for what actually happens in men's minds, but I know that a lot of women are afraid that when men see these images of "perfect" woman, that they will expect ALL women to look like that and will be disappointed when we don't and will have unrealistic expectations for relationships.

Well, I've also heard just a LITTLE about the idea that although a majority of women don't struggle with pornography in the typical sense of the word, we have our own mess that sets up unrealistic expectations for relationships. And the more I consider this idea, I’m coming to believe more and more that it’s true.

Women, a good majority in my opinion, set up unrealistic expectations for relationships due to our culture. Songs, movies, television, books, magazines, and other media have taught us to believe in “fairytale romances.” Even as a young girl, we are read books about how the prince comes to save the princess from the castle. We hear about “love at first sight.” We sigh as the moment they kiss for the first time, THEY KNOW that THIS is the person they will spend the rest of their life with. Our Knight in Shining Armor will be tall, dark, handsome, romantic, sensitive, funny, blue eyes, athletic, strong, smart, patient, kind, PERFECT. Many many many of us, have made lists of the characteristics we want in our Prince Charming. We want to be “swept off our feet.” We want to be romanced, brought flowers, written poems, serenaded, and pursued. In the movies that we watch and books that we read, although there is always some struggle in the relationship, everything ends up perfect and “happily ever after.”

Well, what if our Knight in Shining Armor is kind of quiet or a little awkward at first? What if he wants to be romantic but has no idea where to start? What if our Prince Charming is someone we’ve known for a long time or even been friends with, and no one we would’ve ever considered before? What if our Dream Boat (yes I just used that) is a little on the shorter side and doesn’t play guitar? Whelp, then he just must not be who God has for me, right? Well maybe. But maybe not.

I completely believe that God intended for relationships to have romance and for relationships to have excitement and butterflies when you think about that person. He’s a good God, and I think he wants us to enjoy those things. BUT, we woman have gotten a little crazy about what we expect and what we think we deserve. We CONSTANTLY are surrounded by our culture that is creating unrealistic expectations thus causing us to not be open to what a creative and loving God may have for us.

We need to start forming our expectations for relationships based on the Creator of Romance. We should seek love that is “patient, kind, does not envy, does not boast, is not proud, does not dishonor others, is not self-seeking, is not easily angered, keeps no record of wrongs, does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth, always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres, and never fails.” We should love extravagantly and not only seek the Corinthian 13 kind of love, but desire to live that kind of love in our own lives. I think when we truly start doing this, we will have realistic expectations of the love that God has intended for us to experience.

A Taste of 30

I'm 30 years old! I can't believe it! The amazing thing is that instead of dreading it, I have been able to embrace it. It is only by God's grace that I have this perspective. As I was anticipating turning 30, I realized that it was pointless to think about all of the things I'd not yet accomplished and expected to have experienced or accomplished by the time I was 30. By doing this, I think it would cause me to believe the lie that God has withheld good gifts from me, and that maybe, in the end, He doesn't really want me to be happy. This lie has gone on for FAR TOO long-starting all the way back with Eve when the serpant made Eve doubt whether God was withholding something good from her and Adam.

I had an INCREDIBLE time celebrating my birthday this year. I had dinner with Matt, Mel, Noah & Briley at Red Robin, games and cake at my sister's house, and a day-trip to Galveston with Melanie. Really each thing was perfect and I felt so loved and celebrated. The day-trip with my sister really could not have gone any better. It really was a simple day, but I believe that it really was blessed by God. We had such a fun time together even though what we did was nothing fancy or out of the ordinary. We went to a Mardi Gras parade (which was SO fun and we got over 100 bead necklaces), ate at a yummy Mexican restaurant, went and looked at some gorgeous old houses, went to Sonic, played on the beach and attempted to take some "jumping" pictures, and went to my sister's favorite place, Rita's Italian Ice, that we found on accident. We laughed so much and really just enjoyed time together.

My family and friends were also so generous with gifts this year. My favorite, hands down, was a book that my sister made that includes letters from my family and most of my best friends. It was really one of the nicest things anyone has ever made for me. Reading through those letters is so encouraging, refreshing, and is exactly what I needed when I turned 30. Those letters remind me of the blessings of friendships that the Lord has given me. I will never understand why the Lord has allowed me to have such dear friends, but I am so grateful for them. I want to continue to be a good friend and a friend that when I've left my time with someone, the other feels refreshed and encouraged. I want ANYBODY, whether or not I'm a close friend with them, to walk away from time with me and feel loved. I believe that is what God calls us to do.

God has blessed me in so many ways and really, I believe that He has a special plan for this new season of my life. I don't know what that is yet, but I know that it's going to be good. And I know it'll probably be hard at times and not what I expected for my life maybe. But I believe completely that whatever God calls me to do, He will give me exactly what I need.