So in the last 10 years or so, there has been more open conversation about the struggle that many men have with pornography. It's been interesting to be in on some of the conversation and to try to understand where men are coming from that struggle with this and to hear stories about how those addictions started. It breaks my heart to hear these stories and to wish that I could somehow help.
Now, I'm not a man, and I don't struggle with the desire/need to look at pornographic images nor do I have images burned on my mind from images that I've seen. And I know that although the majority of those who struggle with pornography addictions are men, there are some women who struggle with this as well. And I don't know if this is an accurate statement for what actually happens in men's minds, but I know that a lot of women are afraid that when men see these images of "perfect" woman, that they will expect ALL women to look like that and will be disappointed when we don't and will have unrealistic expectations for relationships.
Well, I've also heard just a LITTLE about the idea that although a majority of women don't struggle with pornography in the typical sense of the word, we have our own mess that sets up unrealistic expectations for relationships. And the more I consider this idea, I’m coming to believe more and more that it’s true.
Women, a good majority in my opinion, set up unrealistic expectations for relationships due to our culture. Songs, movies, television, books, magazines, and other media have taught us to believe in “fairytale romances.” Even as a young girl, we are read books about how the prince comes to save the princess from the castle. We hear about “love at first sight.” We sigh as the moment they kiss for the first time, THEY KNOW that THIS is the person they will spend the rest of their life with. Our Knight in Shining Armor will be tall, dark, handsome, romantic, sensitive, funny, blue eyes, athletic, strong, smart, patient, kind, PERFECT. Many many many of us, have made lists of the characteristics we want in our Prince Charming. We want to be “swept off our feet.” We want to be romanced, brought flowers, written poems, serenaded, and pursued. In the movies that we watch and books that we read, although there is always some struggle in the relationship, everything ends up perfect and “happily ever after.”
Well, what if our Knight in Shining Armor is kind of quiet or a little awkward at first? What if he wants to be romantic but has no idea where to start? What if our Prince Charming is someone we’ve known for a long time or even been friends with, and no one we would’ve ever considered before? What if our Dream Boat (yes I just used that) is a little on the shorter side and doesn’t play guitar? Whelp, then he just must not be who God has for me, right? Well maybe. But maybe not.
I completely believe that God intended for relationships to have romance and for relationships to have excitement and butterflies when you think about that person. He’s a good God, and I think he wants us to enjoy those things. BUT, we woman have gotten a little crazy about what we expect and what we think we deserve. We CONSTANTLY are surrounded by our culture that is creating unrealistic expectations thus causing us to not be open to what a creative and loving God may have for us.
We need to start forming our expectations for relationships based on the Creator of Romance. We should seek love that is “patient, kind, does not envy, does not boast, is not proud, does not dishonor others, is not self-seeking, is not easily angered, keeps no record of wrongs, does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth, always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres, and never fails.” We should love extravagantly and not only seek the Corinthian 13 kind of love, but desire to live that kind of love in our own lives. I think when we truly start doing this, we will have realistic expectations of the love that God has intended for us to experience.
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