A Taste of Great-Unrealistic-Expectations

So in the last 10 years or so, there has been more open conversation about the struggle that many men have with pornography. It's been interesting to be in on some of the conversation and to try to understand where men are coming from that struggle with this and to hear stories about how those addictions started. It breaks my heart to hear these stories and to wish that I could somehow help.

Now, I'm not a man, and I don't struggle with the desire/need to look at pornographic images nor do I have images burned on my mind from images that I've seen. And I know that although the majority of those who struggle with pornography addictions are men, there are some women who struggle with this as well. And I don't know if this is an accurate statement for what actually happens in men's minds, but I know that a lot of women are afraid that when men see these images of "perfect" woman, that they will expect ALL women to look like that and will be disappointed when we don't and will have unrealistic expectations for relationships.

Well, I've also heard just a LITTLE about the idea that although a majority of women don't struggle with pornography in the typical sense of the word, we have our own mess that sets up unrealistic expectations for relationships. And the more I consider this idea, I’m coming to believe more and more that it’s true.

Women, a good majority in my opinion, set up unrealistic expectations for relationships due to our culture. Songs, movies, television, books, magazines, and other media have taught us to believe in “fairytale romances.” Even as a young girl, we are read books about how the prince comes to save the princess from the castle. We hear about “love at first sight.” We sigh as the moment they kiss for the first time, THEY KNOW that THIS is the person they will spend the rest of their life with. Our Knight in Shining Armor will be tall, dark, handsome, romantic, sensitive, funny, blue eyes, athletic, strong, smart, patient, kind, PERFECT. Many many many of us, have made lists of the characteristics we want in our Prince Charming. We want to be “swept off our feet.” We want to be romanced, brought flowers, written poems, serenaded, and pursued. In the movies that we watch and books that we read, although there is always some struggle in the relationship, everything ends up perfect and “happily ever after.”

Well, what if our Knight in Shining Armor is kind of quiet or a little awkward at first? What if he wants to be romantic but has no idea where to start? What if our Prince Charming is someone we’ve known for a long time or even been friends with, and no one we would’ve ever considered before? What if our Dream Boat (yes I just used that) is a little on the shorter side and doesn’t play guitar? Whelp, then he just must not be who God has for me, right? Well maybe. But maybe not.

I completely believe that God intended for relationships to have romance and for relationships to have excitement and butterflies when you think about that person. He’s a good God, and I think he wants us to enjoy those things. BUT, we woman have gotten a little crazy about what we expect and what we think we deserve. We CONSTANTLY are surrounded by our culture that is creating unrealistic expectations thus causing us to not be open to what a creative and loving God may have for us.

We need to start forming our expectations for relationships based on the Creator of Romance. We should seek love that is “patient, kind, does not envy, does not boast, is not proud, does not dishonor others, is not self-seeking, is not easily angered, keeps no record of wrongs, does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth, always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres, and never fails.” We should love extravagantly and not only seek the Corinthian 13 kind of love, but desire to live that kind of love in our own lives. I think when we truly start doing this, we will have realistic expectations of the love that God has intended for us to experience.

A Taste of 30

I'm 30 years old! I can't believe it! The amazing thing is that instead of dreading it, I have been able to embrace it. It is only by God's grace that I have this perspective. As I was anticipating turning 30, I realized that it was pointless to think about all of the things I'd not yet accomplished and expected to have experienced or accomplished by the time I was 30. By doing this, I think it would cause me to believe the lie that God has withheld good gifts from me, and that maybe, in the end, He doesn't really want me to be happy. This lie has gone on for FAR TOO long-starting all the way back with Eve when the serpant made Eve doubt whether God was withholding something good from her and Adam.

I had an INCREDIBLE time celebrating my birthday this year. I had dinner with Matt, Mel, Noah & Briley at Red Robin, games and cake at my sister's house, and a day-trip to Galveston with Melanie. Really each thing was perfect and I felt so loved and celebrated. The day-trip with my sister really could not have gone any better. It really was a simple day, but I believe that it really was blessed by God. We had such a fun time together even though what we did was nothing fancy or out of the ordinary. We went to a Mardi Gras parade (which was SO fun and we got over 100 bead necklaces), ate at a yummy Mexican restaurant, went and looked at some gorgeous old houses, went to Sonic, played on the beach and attempted to take some "jumping" pictures, and went to my sister's favorite place, Rita's Italian Ice, that we found on accident. We laughed so much and really just enjoyed time together.

My family and friends were also so generous with gifts this year. My favorite, hands down, was a book that my sister made that includes letters from my family and most of my best friends. It was really one of the nicest things anyone has ever made for me. Reading through those letters is so encouraging, refreshing, and is exactly what I needed when I turned 30. Those letters remind me of the blessings of friendships that the Lord has given me. I will never understand why the Lord has allowed me to have such dear friends, but I am so grateful for them. I want to continue to be a good friend and a friend that when I've left my time with someone, the other feels refreshed and encouraged. I want ANYBODY, whether or not I'm a close friend with them, to walk away from time with me and feel loved. I believe that is what God calls us to do.

God has blessed me in so many ways and really, I believe that He has a special plan for this new season of my life. I don't know what that is yet, but I know that it's going to be good. And I know it'll probably be hard at times and not what I expected for my life maybe. But I believe completely that whatever God calls me to do, He will give me exactly what I need.

A Taste of Perspective

So today I had a bad day, which made me think of a kid's book called, "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day", well that was my day. Did anything major happen to cause this? No, not really. It was a combination of things all built up: some loneliness, stress, not loving my job at the moment but not seeing any possibility for something different, etc. etc. and I sunk into a place where I KNEW that I didn't have the right attitude about things. I knew that I was being a little dramatic, but I just was unhappy and was having a hard time shaking my attitude. I've had several days like this lately which is really not norm for me so I'm learning what to do when I feel like this.

Now don't get me wrong, there have been a few things that have happened lately that have been frustrating or disappointing, etc, and I'm not saying that it's not ok to feel those emotions, but it's what I do with those emotions that I think ultimately matters. I can hold them inside and let them build up, feel sorry for myself, and miss out on the blessings that I do have or opportunities that the Lord may have for me to speak love to someone. OR I can recognize these feelings for what they are, give them to the Lord and allow Him to change my perspective so that I can recognize the blessings in my life. I completely believe that when we ask the Lord to do this, He will.

So, I've been keeping a "blessings" journal everyday since Christmas because my sister gave it to me for that reason. At the end of each day, I write down everything that comes to mind that I'm thankful for-sometimes it is something that happened during the day and sometimes it's just for random things like having shelter, having a loving family, or the ability to see. This journal is helping me keep things in perspective. EVERY day, even when things don't go "my way" or how I expected them to go, I still am SO BLESSED and deeply loved. I have so much to be greatful for and want to live a life with a thankful heart.

A Taste of Worship

Read this on someone's blog and totally agree:

"I believe that worship does not just happen on Sunday morning. I believe that it is in every little thing in our every day life. How we treat our spouse. How we react to our kids, even in the stressful moments. If we make life about "me". How we treat the waitress or the car that cuts us off. How we love. How we forgive. Everything. These are all opportunities to worship God. To show Jesus to others. I also believe that being a Christian isn't about the "dos" and "donts" or if you drink or not or cuss or not BUT I DO believe that if you follow God with full abandon...abandon your old self, your old life and let Him live through you...it is a natural overflow- your life changes, in all areas."

May my life overflow with worship of my God so that people will walk away from encounters with me having encountered God's love for them. God help me to proclaim boldly your love when I have the opportunity and to make the most of opportunities that you give me to spread your love. May it be contagious.

A Taste of Blessings

I can not say enough what a blessing it has been to live here in Houston and to get to see my sister, brother in-law, nephew, & niece on a regular basis. Just today, I kept Noah & Briley for about 3 hours while Matt and Mel worked. Working from home and having a flexible schedule also has been such a blessing so that I am able to do this. I try to pick the kids up from their Mothers Day Out program once a week to give Matt a few hours by himself or to finish some work and SELFISHLY, I love having one on one time with them at my house. Noah just amazes me everytime I see him with the new things he thinks up or the things that he says. Today, he insisted on making Uncle Brad ANOTHER birthday card (we made one last week) and wrote all of his ABCs on it and ran out of room to actually write "Happy Birthday" so he made another card for him with that on it. I let Noah decide what we did today, so we did that and made Santa & Rudolph masks and watched "The Parent Trap". I showed him this movie a while back thinking he'd think all the boobie trapping was funny but has NO IDEA he'd love it and request it on a regular basis. I can see the wheels turning in his head as he thinks, "Hmm, now how could I do that to Mom and Dad. . ." And sweet Briley played for a while and crawled around and was mesmerized by my Christmas tree. . .more the ornaments really. And then she feel asleep in my arms-oh she is so sweet. It was just a normal day, we didn't do anything super creative or "special" but spending the afternoon with them was so special to me and just made me so happy.

I say all of this fully realizing that the rest of our family would love to get to do this, and I truely wish they could too. I know it's just not possible to always live close to family. All I can say, is that we talk about you all a lot and can't wait to spend time with you all! Noah knows that he is loved by his extended family and Briley soon will realize that too-I think she already does for what her young mind can understand. You can be proud of Matt & Melanie-they are amazing parents to these two kids-it is so neat to get to see them and their love for their kids.

I just want to take advantage of this time that God has given me to be close to my family and to make sure that beyond a shadow of a doubt, Noah and Briley know that I love them and know that they are special to me because they are truely gifts from God and loved by God. It is neat because I think Noah really understands a lot about God and how God loves him. And SO far, Noah still gets excited to see me! I'm going to enjoy that for as long as I can!

I would have never guessed a year ago, that I would be here in Houston but what an amazing God we have who orchestrated this move and these precious months here. I'm so glad I trusted Him even though it was sad to leave such dear friends in Nashville. My heart is full of thanks to God for what He has done, and I pray that He will continue to give me opportunities to spend time with and love on my family.